(re) Define Perfection Workshop

What is the cost of your Perfectionism?

September 13, 2019 from 9am - 5pm at Potentia Family Therapy in Mission Valley
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“We have more access to information, more books, and more good science – why are we struggling like never before? Because we do not talk about the things that get in the way of doing what we know is best for us, our children, our families, our organizations, and our communities.” 

— Excerpt from The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW

Like many of you, when I read Brené’s The Gifts of Imperfection, I was captivated by her research of what I have struggled with for much of my life. I remember reading through this book underlining paragraphs and writing tons of personal thoughts and feelings in the margins.

I also told everyone I knew about this book who would listen  – because perfection feels like a universal language and Brené just made it all the easier for us to have honest conversations about this thing that keeps us up at night feeling small, stressed, not enough and afraid of failure.

Parts of me led much of my life through the lens of perfection believing this was the best way to live and do life. As destructive as all-or-nothing thinking is, it also provides a container of control and purpose to protect while giving the illusion that this approach to life is sustainable.

Until it isn’t.

I now know perfection is a fierce protector.

The perfection mindset says:

  • hustle for your worthiness
  • numb out
  • focus on the results only and not the process
  • connect your worthiness to the opinions of others
  • do not try at all and stay small because it will not be good enough
  • failure is not an option

Perfection thinks it is the ultimate safety armor. And yet it also ends up wreaking havoc on faith, health, confidence, courage and creativity because the anxiety of perfection fuels both over-functioning and under-functioning.

Perfectionism is often behind:

  • missed social events + work
  • loss of sleep
  • physical symptoms (GI distress, panic attacks, appetite confusion)
  • racing thoughts
  • exhaustion
  • people pleasing and worries of letting people down
  • dread of being misunderstood
  • procrastination and missed deadlines
  • constant feelings of failure and unworthiness
  • panic and perseveration
  • overwhelm + obsession
  • competition and comparison
  • fears of being found out as a fraud
  • looking outside yourself for validation on who you are and what is “ok”

There is great cost to living a life led by perfectionism. It is related to loss of revenue and professional opportunities, scarcity mindset, relationship difficulties, physical and emotional health problems all while crushing confidence, faith, and clarity.

A life led by perfectionism costs us our sense of what it truly means to feel worthy and know who we are – regardless of what we do or what others think.

Gifts of Imperfection has shifted so much for so many supporting brave and honest conversations about perfectionism and worthiness. It has been powerful for me and many I know to have conversations around this topic where we relate, feel understood, and have actionable ways to shift how we show up in the world.

The insight and awareness around perfectionism has left some feeling stuck in the in-between of understanding perfectionism.

So what are we to do?

First, understanding behind perfection is shame, anxiety and fear. There is nothing pretty about these emotions and the impact they have on our lives and the world around us. But the pain needs to be unburdened – not stuffed, minimized or camouflaged or they will keep hijacking what you desire most: connection, confidence and a safe community.

Perfection is a seductive way to try to chase away feelings of shame, inadequacy, and the fear of being misunderstood.

In truth, perfection is not about excellence, constructive competition or a trait to be admired.

Instead, perfection fuels scarcity mindset, shame and the fear of failure – which all keep you living life small, exhausted and frustrated.

This workshop will help you get clear on the dangers of a life lived striving for perfection along with how to implement daily life practices to help build the resilience and courage needed to show up in life with both boundaries and an open heart.

If you say to yourself:

  • Why am I still struggling with____? You should have had things figured out by now…
  • No one can ever see me struggle…
  • Why try? It will not be good enough no matter what.
  • Everyone else has it all together but me…
  • I am obsessed with eating healthy – food is good or bad and my body is the enemy…
  • I can’t stop counting calories. If I do, I will lose control and not be desired…
  • I have to keep it all together. I can’t struggle or everything will fall apart – including me…
  • Exhausted from wondering how everyone else thinks about you, your work, your unique opinions…

… then perfectionism is still trying to protect you the best way it knows how.

And at the heart of these emotions lies difficult life experiences, deep disappointments, betrayal, rejection, loneliness, confusion.

If you try and fix perfectionism without digging deeper and doing the work to heal the root of the pain, you will only get temporary relief. And this work is not easy.

We can’t think ourselves through the pain – we have to feel our way through it. Perfection says, ‘Fix it now and be done’. Wisdom says, ‘This is a lifelong process and practice to navigate’.


My excitement about doing the work to (re) define perfection is in part selfish as I am doing this work continually myself.

Showing up in a brave community is a powerful space to continue to rumble with perfection and (re) define its role in all of our lives.

If the struggle of perfectionism resonates with you, I encourage you to consider joining us on  September 13, 2019 (re) Define Perfection: Choosing Flexibility Over Rigidity for an all day (9AM-5PM) workshop at Potentia Family Therapy in Mission Valley.

You’ll learn how to implement daily life practices to help build the resilience and courage needed to show up in life with both boundaries and an open heart.

During our day together, you will receive:

  • a workbook included Brené’s 10 guideposts to wholehearted living you can customize during our day together
  • your own copy of Gifts of Perfection
  • an abundant choice of creative supplies to play and create with
  • gourmet refreshments – snacks, lunch, drinks that meet your body’s unique needs and preferences
  • time to reflect, get curious, and dig a little deeper to understand how to respond to perfectionism in ways that moves you to living a life with more confidence, calm, and clarity
  • insights from other like-minded individuals who rumble with the same perfectionism struggles
  • presents and other fun self-care gifts

If you have had seasons in life when you:

  • are running in empty and tired of feeling exhausted trying to make everyone happy
  • hate disappointing people and hate saying no
  • get overwhelmed with worrying what other people think – especially when you are trying to make a pivot, a switch, a change in your life
  • can be really hard and unforgiving towards yourself when you make mistakes
  • where it is hard to be flexible
  • overthink and worry about not being enough, doing enough or think there will not be enough
  • have a hard time trusting yourself and your instincts
  • have a hard time respect rest and play as an essential part of work
  • rumble with anxiety and have a hard time sitting still
  • have long lists of shoulds and have-to’s that stress you out

… then (re) Define Perfection is for you.

Sign up today for (re) Define Perfection as space is limited in the high touch and personalized workshop.

Please choose one of the three payment options below:

Special Offer

Bring a friend & get one half off! That's only $375 for both.

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One Payment of $250

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Three Payments of $84

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*Alumni Rate*

If you've attended one of our (re) Define Perfection workshops in the past, you qualify for our alumni rate:

$125 Almuni Rate

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If you need another payment plan offer, please contact us and let us know.

Utilizing Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection and integrating the principals of Internal Family Systems  – you will walk away with specific practices you can gently start to incorporate into your life. These practices will help you enjoy life, finish projects and quiet to noise between your ears.

This one-day intensive is a substantive learning experience which will positively impact your life personally and professionally.  After attending our one day workshop, you will:

  • feel more connected to what matters most
  • have clarity on what to do when perfectionism shows up
  • feel more calm and clear when scarcity and fear come knocking
  • be more compassionate to your self and others when the inner critics get loud
  • look at failure as something normal to work into daily life instead of fear
  • less bound to rigidity, shame, and people-pleasing
  • have more clarity on what matters most to you and use that as a guide when things get hard
  • be really clear on who opinion matter along with the power of a dance party

Questions? Email rebecca@potentiatherapy.com

Join us on September 13, 2019 from 9am - 5pm at Potentia Family Therapy in Mission Valley

About your workshop Facilitator, Rebecca Ching, LMFT:

Rebecca is the Founder + Owner of Potentia Family Therapy, Inc. You can read more about her philosophy and experience here. An early adopter of Brené’s methodologies and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator + Consultant, Rebecca has been running workshops based on Dr. Brown’s research for seven years. Rebecca is also a Certified Internal Family Systems Therapist and is passionate about integrating the two methodologies. 

About Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW:

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation - Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.

She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of four #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly,Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness. Her new book, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations.Whole Hearts., is scheduled for publication in October 2018.

Brené’s TEDTalk - The Power of Vulnerability -  is one of the top five most viewed TEDTalks in the world with over 35 million views.

Brené lives in Houston, Texas with her husband, Steve, and their children Ellen and Charlie.


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