— Excerpt from The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brené Brown, PhD, LMSW
Like many of you, when I read Brené’s The Gifts of Imperfection, I was captivated by her research of what I have struggled with for much of my life. I remember reading through this book underlining paragraphs and writing tons of personal thoughts and feelings in the margins.
I also told everyone I knew about this book who would listen – because perfection feels like a universal language and Brené just made it all the easier for us to have honest conversations about this thing that keeps us up at night feeling small, stressed, not enough and afraid of failure.
Parts of me led much of my life through the lens of perfection believing this was the best way to live and do life. As destructive as all-or-nothing thinking is, it also provides a container of control and purpose to protect while giving the illusion that this approach to life is sustainable.
Until it isn’t.
I now know perfection is a fierce protector.
The perfection mindset says:
Perfection thinks it is the ultimate safety armor. And yet it also ends up wreaking havoc on faith, health, confidence, courage and creativity because the anxiety of perfection fuels both over-functioning and under-functioning.
Perfectionism is often behind:
There is great cost to living a life led by perfectionism. It is related to loss of revenue and professional opportunities, scarcity mindset, relationship difficulties, physical and emotional health problems all while crushing confidence, faith, and clarity.
A life led by perfectionism costs us our sense of what it truly means to feel worthy and know who we are – regardless of what we do or what others think.
Gifts of Imperfection has shifted so much for so many supporting brave and honest conversations about perfectionism and worthiness. It has been powerful for me and many I know to have conversations around this topic where we relate, feel understood, and have actionable ways to shift how we show up in the world.
So what are we to do?
First, understanding behind perfection is shame, anxiety and fear. There is nothing pretty about these emotions and the impact they have on our lives and the world around us. But the pain needs to be unburdened – not stuffed, minimized or camouflaged or they will keep hijacking what you desire most: connection, confidence and a safe community.
Perfection is a seductive way to try to chase away feelings of shame, inadequacy, and the fear of being misunderstood.
In truth, perfection is not about excellence, constructive competition or a trait to be admired.
This workshop will help you get clear on the dangers of a life lived striving for perfection along with how to implement daily life practices to help build the resilience and courage needed to show up in life with both boundaries and an open heart.
If you say to yourself:
… then perfectionism is still trying to protect you the best way it knows how.
If you try and fix perfectionism without digging deeper and doing the work to heal the root of the pain, you will only get temporary relief. And this work is not easy.
We can’t think ourselves through the pain – we have to feel our way through it. Perfection says, ‘Fix it now and be done’. Wisdom says, ‘This is a lifelong process and practice to navigate’.
My excitement about doing the work to (re) define perfection is in part selfish as I am doing this work continually myself.
Showing up in a brave community is a powerful space to continue to rumble with perfection and (re) define its role in all of our lives.
If the struggle of perfectionism resonates with you, I encourage you to consider joining us on September 13, 2019 (re) Define Perfection: Choosing Flexibility Over Rigidity for an all day (9AM-5PM) workshop at Potentia Family Therapy in Mission Valley.
You’ll learn how to implement daily life practices to help build the resilience and courage needed to show up in life with both boundaries and an open heart.
During our day together, you will receive:
If you have had seasons in life when you:
… then (re) Define Perfection is for you.
Please choose one of the three payment options below:
Utilizing Brené Brown’s book The Gifts of Imperfection and integrating the principals of Internal Family Systems – you will walk away with specific practices you can gently start to incorporate into your life. These practices will help you enjoy life, finish projects and quiet to noise between your ears.
This one-day intensive is a substantive learning experience which will positively impact your life personally and professionally. After attending our one day workshop, you will:
Questions? Email firstname.lastname@example.org
Rebecca is the Founder + Owner of Potentia Family Therapy, Inc. You can read more about her philosophy and experience here. An early adopter of Brené’s methodologies and a Certified Daring Way™ Facilitator + Consultant, Rebecca has been running workshops based on Dr. Brown’s research for seven years. Rebecca is also a Certified Internal Family Systems Therapist and is passionate about integrating the two methodologies.
Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston where she holds the Huffington Foundation - Brené Brown Endowed Chair at The Graduate College of Social Work.
She has spent the past two decades studying courage, vulnerability, shame, and empathy and is the author of four #1 New York Times bestsellers: The Gifts of Imperfection, Daring Greatly,Rising Strong, and Braving the Wilderness. Her new book, Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations.Whole Hearts., is scheduled for publication in October 2018.
Brené’s TEDTalk - The Power of Vulnerability - is one of the top five most viewed TEDTalks in the world with over 35 million views.
Brené lives in Houston, Texas with her husband, Steve, and their children Ellen and Charlie.